Voting Machines

My last voting experience was both fun and scary. I saw the touch screens as soon as I walked in.

At first there was a sinking feeling because the punch cards were gone. There was something solid and dependable about pushing on that pin until the chad finally gave way. Then Florida had problems and we learned that chads could be pregnant and might even hang. I never worried about the pregnancies because I’ve always rammed the pin to the hilt. But knowing that they might hang caused me to start looking in the hole to see if the chad fell. I could never tell. No more worrying about chads with the touch screens.

So I approached the table with a sense of relief. Then the first poll worker asked for my ID. My ID pictures have always looked like caricatures of Charley Weaver so I thought for sure that security would be called. I passed and was feeling good again. But the worker at the end of the table handed me something that looked like a credit card and declared, to my puzzled look, that I had used it before—I missed the primary but couldn’t bring myself to admit it to the worker. So now I had to figure out which edge goes in first and which side is the business side—it usually takes me the full four tries at a new card reader.

It turned out that I wasted my time in line figuring out how to hold the card. Rather, I should have been watching where the voters ahead of me inserted their cards. All of the gas pumps and ATMs have the slider or slot in some immediately obvious place. Not these machines though and I almost panicked. There was nothing that looked like a place for the card anywhere in sight. If I left the line, people behind me would rush to fill the hole and I would face the wrath of the unhappy worker who gave me the card. If I looked around, they would think I was cheating. But, without moving my head, I did look. No good, everyone was already voting. So I tried laying the card on various surfaces, again, no good. Finally, I saw it. It was at the extreme-right-back of the machine and down in a hole. This design must have been outsourced to a country that never holds elections!

With the card inserted, the voting when well. All the selections were understandable and I was done in no time. But there was one final concern. While in line, I noticed that the last machine was plugged into the next to the last machine and so on. The first machine was then plugged into the wall with the cord strung across the path I needed to walk to return the card. If I tripped over that cord, the whole precinct would go down and all those lawyers waiting to pounce would blame me.
Whew! I made it past the cord, turned in my card like an old pro and headed for the car.

chads
punch cards
touch screens
voting
voting machines